When a friend is diagnosed with cancer, it’s normal to feel uncertain about how best to respond. Maybe you avoid the topic out of fear of saying the wrong thing. Or you overwhelm your friend with unsolicited advice. From our own experience, here are some tips on what truly helps — and what really doesn’t.
Do’s: what your friend with cancer will appreciate
- Send regular messages. A text, email, or phone call shows you’re thinking of your friend, that you care, and that you’re there for them.
- Offer concrete, practical help. Pick up the kids after school, drop by with homemade comfort food, or offer to do the groceries. Don’t stop at saying “let me know if I can help” — take real action.
- Plan something fun together. A movie, a coffee in town, a lunch date… A relaxing outing on a good day helps shift the focus and escape the grind of treatment for a while.
- Drive your friend to the hospital or join them for an appointment. Treatments and check-ups are stressful. Being there for the ride — and maybe even joining them with the doctor if they want — can bring peace of mind.
Don’ts: what not to do when a friend has cancer
- Don’t ignore the diagnosis. And don’t avoid your friend because of it. If you feel awkward or uncomfortable, just say so. Start with “I don’t know what to say, but…” and you take the sting out of the silence.
- Don’t give unsolicited (medical) advice. You’re not a doctor, you’re a friend. Even well-meant comparisons with relatives who also had cancer aren’t helpful. Leave the medical part to the professionals.
- Don’t treat your friend differently. Pity doesn’t help anyone move forward. Of course, you can be more attentive or considerate. But if you used to laugh and joke all the time, keep doing that. Behind the illness, they’re still the same person.
- Don’t minimize the situation. A positive outlook is valuable, but brushing off fears and worries isn’t. Really listen and show understanding.
More about cancer and friendship
- Three thoughtful DIY gifts that truly lift the spirits of someone with cancer >>
Severine and her cycling friends during cancer: “Everyone supports me in their own way” >>
Martine: “We toasted with champagne at the start and end of chemo” >>
